these happy golden years

I crave belonging (I suspect we all do).
We hunt it out wherever it is to be found.
We band together in tightening circles
And bear the marks of our believed belonging in
The intricate carvings on our skins,
The unparalleled symmetry of our faces,
Our shared seeming inability to belong,
Or the fact that he said, ‘you, too?’

We search for our best fit—
A tiny head nestled into mama’s collarbone;
His hand in yours like hook with eye;
The three of you slunk against a rusted rail,
Together looking outward.

And sometimes we find it, but sometimes we don’t
(or we do, and it no longer fits).
The belonging we stretch for
Falls just outside our reach
Or abrades, coarse surface to coarse surface.
And we are homesick
Though this is where we’re meant to be.

Take your heart and wade on with courage
Through present tension to future tense.
We are rooted in earth but ethereal
Never full belonging
Where we won’t be long.

Friday: we are little girls, dreaming, dawdling, playing, and promising never to be grown ups, never to sit around and just talk. Saturday: we talk, sometimes, but we still know how to build treehouses and lay hidden in the overgrown green of the next-door paddock. Sunday: we forget our promises never to be grown ups because it happens, almost, when we were not looking. Someday: someday is here, and I have grey hairs, and I cry, but not just about the grey hairs. It is someday and it's not what we expected. It's harder than we expected and it's worse than we expected. But it's easier than we expected, and it's better than we expected. Someday: and there are other little girls, and they are our little girls. One of them dreams and dawdles and plays and wants to be grown up right now. We could not slow the growing up down, and she cannot speed it up. She looks at us and wonders why we just sit around and talk. But we realise now that it's exactly what we want to do, and it is good.

I love that breaks in the schedule of the everyday bring with them the promise of headspace and the opportunity to step outside of the now and think ahead a little bit. I'm hoping that the next few weeks (well, those either side of a planned visit down south) will be weeks of new things. I'm dreaming of a new little etsy store, a new hair colour (not the grey that my hair is attempting to become), and a new afternoon each month dedicated to crafting (the Crafternoon! All welcome!).

But today one new project is moving out of the dream zone and into the here and now. Remember the beautiful 52 Weeks project I linked to a couple of weeks ago? Blogger Shaina Longstreet committed to taking a self portrait and writing an accompanying poem, one poem/picture diptych each week, for one year. It's such an excellent concept, and one which works side-by-side with my blog's goal: that of living an examined life.

Over the last week, the lovely Samantha and I have been chatting about how we could explore this project ourselves. In her beautiful introductory post, Samantha wrote:

This is the beginning of a journey. A journey that might further open my eyes to the beauty around me. A journey that just might change how I view the world. May I see the sparkle in the raindrop, the beauty in the rose, the joy in the eyes of those who love me. May I see the green grass grow, the glowing warmth of the sun, the excitement in all there is to see.

Samantha has chosen 'simple little things' as the theme for her 52 weeks project. I am going with 'moments'. I want to take notice of the moments, and I want to challenge myself to wrestle them out of experience and into words. Sam is focussing particularly on the photography aspect of the project, and I'll be paying attention especially to the poetry. Poetry doesn't come easily for me, but it's a good sort of hard work, the sort of work that leaves your muscles aching in a happy-tired way.

I think I'm going to enjoy the struggle to find the truest way to enunciate what is only felt or seen or heard. Want to join us? We definitely welcome your companionship on this little adventure of creativity!